Back in the early days of my undergraduate social work program, we learned about “intended” and “unintended” consequences. Intended consequences are what you expected to happen. For example, someone starts some kind of social service program that trains unemployed folks for jobs. Intended consequence: people get jobs. Then we would have to come up with a list of unintended consequences. These might be positive or negative.
You’re going about your day when something sneaks up on you. Again. You feel the tightening in your chest, your heart starts pounding, your mind begins to race. It’s almost paralyzing, this feeling. Then that Voice inside begins to taunt you:
“What if you drop the baby? What if I do it on purpose? What kind of mom are you? Why can’t I get these thoughts out of my head? I’m a terrible person! Make this go away!!!”
Anxiety has you in its grip and now you’re fighting to get free so you can get on with your day.
Hey there new mama. I see you there, with your fresh new baby in your arms. Listening to the sounds of her sweet baby breath. Tracing the outlines of his tiny, perfect lips. Breathing in all the new baby smells. Covering every last inch of that little one with kisses. Marvelling that this tiny being was inside your body only weeks, days, or even just hours ago. Wanting to soak up all this newness and beauty, and not miss a second of it. Wanting to show the world that you are the Mama, and you can do this!
Raise your hand if you’re harder on yourself than you are on anyone else. C’mon. It won’t hurt to admit it. My hand is in the air too. We often have a monologue running through our heads: “Why did I just do that? What a dumb thing to say! Why can’t I get anything right? I suck at life/parenting/marriage. I can’t seem to make good decisions.” These are the lies that depression and anxiety tell us.
I recently started a 30-day blogging challenge. While I'm not going to do it all in 30 days, I will get those 30 blogs written! Here's a round-up of the 5 most popular blog posts since I've started.
1. The Bad Mom
Ever feel like the Worst Mom Ever? You're not alone. Read on for ideas of how to kick negative thinking to the curb
2. What Really Happens in Couples Counselling
A not-so-secret look inside the first session of counselling (spoiler alert: it's not as scary as you think!)
3. 5 Ways to Rekindle the Spark
When the flame has sizzled out, here's how to reconnect.
4. Added Value
Making those we love feel valued is one of the most important things you can do. Here's what to do.
5. How to Stay Calm in the Moment
Kids driving you up the wall? S.T.O.P. and then react.
There you have it. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog, it has been a journey for me. Feel free to comment or contact me if you have topics you want to read about. And of course, if you're struggling in a relationship, whether romantic or parenting, please contact me to talk about how counselling or parent coaching can help you.
I just yelled at my baby. Who yells at a baby? I’m such a bad mom.
I don’t want to be around my kids right now. I just want to run away. I’m a terrible mother.
I can’t even remember the last time I gave the baby a bath. I’m the worst mom ever.
My kids deserve better than what I can give them.
Do you ever feel like The Bad Mom? You’re convinced that everyone else is better at this mom thing than you are. Other moms have more patience with their kids, have actually showered today, have better relationships with their spouses, enjoy being a mom more than you do. It’s true, Facebook says so.